A Post mortem of Love, Relationships and you know what
Really dont know why I am writing this one. I consider myself a noob in such matters but whatever, this is my space and I am free to fart as much as I like.
Have been reading and trying out a lot of things in the recent past, so maybe its time I put my thoughts in a more coherent way. There is a theory about passion, intimacy and commitment being the three components for understanding love and here is my take.
Now what is passion? Is it a motorcycle, obviously not. Then is it merely infatuation? not really. Passion is something that comes from the heart, not something that you can think about logically, it is very impulsive... no second thoughts, even you cant describe why you fell for it. It doesnt matter to you if its right or wrong, whether the other person is responsive or not, its total madness. Something like Akshaye Khanna's love in Dil Chahta hai. When you watch a romantic movie or story the person that you imagine yourself with in place of the characters is your passion. When someone's "Hi,hello" makes your day then she is the passion. When you cant press the delete all messages option in your cellphone just to save a single message from her, then she is the passion. Passion is like dreaming for a Mercedes when you walk without shoes. It knows no boundaries.
Intimacy develops when you are always looking for that special someone whether to talk about your day's work, to share a laugh or just to get a shoulder to cry upon. It starts of as a "friendship" but goes way beyond that. I find this to be the most potent component in any relationship. It is impossible to imagine life without that person. When in a group if someone cracks a joke your eyes inadvertently turn towards her to gauge her reaction, when you have two movie tickets the first person you think of is her. And when you have to tell yourself again and again that she is just a friend. You just need that person by your side always. The Internet ofcourse has made even "remote access" intimacy possible, so the distances no longer matter.
And finally commitment. At first glance commitment seems some bullshit straight out of old Hindi movies, like parents fixing their children's marriage when they were peeing in their pants and the children grow up to honour the promise. But there is more to commitment. If without passion and intimacy, it is like the common minimum program in a coalition government -- two losers who couldnt get their passion sit down and agree upon a face saving formula so that everyone gets atleast something to bank upon. You dont like her and she knows that but you two still continue that way, very frightful for me!
But the situation changes drastically if commitment is accompanied by the other two. You say no to a transfer which is a potential promotion because it will mean going away from her. You cancel your holiday because she has an appointment with a dentist and you just cant go alone. The ideal relationship comes in when all three are there and from both the parties involved.
Enough for now I guess, have more urgent tasks to look at.
PS: Tried making the post gender neutral. Use him/her, he/she whatever suits you.
Really dont know why I am writing this one. I consider myself a noob in such matters but whatever, this is my space and I am free to fart as much as I like.
Have been reading and trying out a lot of things in the recent past, so maybe its time I put my thoughts in a more coherent way. There is a theory about passion, intimacy and commitment being the three components for understanding love and here is my take.
Now what is passion? Is it a motorcycle, obviously not. Then is it merely infatuation? not really. Passion is something that comes from the heart, not something that you can think about logically, it is very impulsive... no second thoughts, even you cant describe why you fell for it. It doesnt matter to you if its right or wrong, whether the other person is responsive or not, its total madness. Something like Akshaye Khanna's love in Dil Chahta hai. When you watch a romantic movie or story the person that you imagine yourself with in place of the characters is your passion. When someone's "Hi,hello" makes your day then she is the passion. When you cant press the delete all messages option in your cellphone just to save a single message from her, then she is the passion. Passion is like dreaming for a Mercedes when you walk without shoes. It knows no boundaries.
Intimacy develops when you are always looking for that special someone whether to talk about your day's work, to share a laugh or just to get a shoulder to cry upon. It starts of as a "friendship" but goes way beyond that. I find this to be the most potent component in any relationship. It is impossible to imagine life without that person. When in a group if someone cracks a joke your eyes inadvertently turn towards her to gauge her reaction, when you have two movie tickets the first person you think of is her. And when you have to tell yourself again and again that she is just a friend. You just need that person by your side always. The Internet ofcourse has made even "remote access" intimacy possible, so the distances no longer matter.
And finally commitment. At first glance commitment seems some bullshit straight out of old Hindi movies, like parents fixing their children's marriage when they were peeing in their pants and the children grow up to honour the promise. But there is more to commitment. If without passion and intimacy, it is like the common minimum program in a coalition government -- two losers who couldnt get their passion sit down and agree upon a face saving formula so that everyone gets atleast something to bank upon. You dont like her and she knows that but you two still continue that way, very frightful for me!
But the situation changes drastically if commitment is accompanied by the other two. You say no to a transfer which is a potential promotion because it will mean going away from her. You cancel your holiday because she has an appointment with a dentist and you just cant go alone. The ideal relationship comes in when all three are there and from both the parties involved.
Enough for now I guess, have more urgent tasks to look at.
PS: Tried making the post gender neutral. Use him/her, he/she whatever suits you.
posted by Sameer Gupta | 12:54 am
3 Comments:
good one!!!
I was going to write on this but now a link is good enough.
P.S. add a reference to the scientific theory
It was a nice one!
I believe that the most important ingredient for a successful relationship is Respect. Everything else (including Love) comes next. A relationship without respect can't be sustainable...not for long.
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